Friday, June 27, 2008

An Adventure to Appease

To appease the blogging gods (who knew they were so ruthless?), I am again posting on my blog. I am about to enter a new stage of life: the tweens of the twenties. Never to be a teenager again, but not yet an adult. It’s a between-stages stage. If that is possible.

But first, let me tell you of the adventure I had this morning. As I walking around Provo with my Relief Society walking group, a rodent of unusual size attacked my dear friend, Rachel. It grabbed her by the leg and started dragging her into the dense underbrush of the Provo wilderness. As we sat on the sidewalk, panting after the encounter, a crocodile the size of a UTA bus somehow snuck up behind us. I pushed Rachel to safety in the middle of traffic on 900 East. With a wa-cha, I karate-chopped the R.O.U.S. and pulled Rachel from its toothy grasp and tried to draw the large crocodile to the duck pond where it could harmlessly prey on the many makey-outy-couples who frequent the duck pond. As I ran just barely ahead of the crocodile down 800 North, a massive lion leapt across the sidewalk and swiped the back of my leg with its terrible claws. I faltered, but I kept running. I could feel cool blood from my ankle filling my shoe. Have you ever squelched your toes in blood? It’s not a comfortable sensation. At any rate, I got to the duck pond and distracted the crocodile, who proceeded to sweep through the area and rid us of those annoying whispering-sweet-nothings do-gooders. When I got back to the walking group, no one believed my story—until I showed them my bloody sock. A hush fell over the crowd.

Moral of the story: you best have a good story when you come home limping after only walking a few miles in Provo. Oh yes, please appreciate the pure whiteness of my legs. I think only my t-shirt could be whiter.