Please, gentle reader, take pity on him. I am not the victim: I am the instigator. See here:
Thus far, we have been skirmishing well. He doesn't realize that I have been staying up late at night honing my technique, or that I have been trained how to take him down, or that I have the blessing of the Muses on my side. I have devised a plan with the help of my patron goddess, Athena the Laptop: I will type a few tremulous words here and there, and slowly I will take Thesis by surprise. He will wake up one morning with 35 pages worth of battle wounds, and he will wonder how it happened. And then he will look at me sadly and congratulate me for my victory. And I will laugh and probably kiss him and then he will be mine forever.
Sounds like a wonderful ending, doesn't it? I believe that I can do this, and we have nothing if not belief.
P.S. I will knight you (with my favorite pen, for the pen is mightier than the sword, after all) if you can point out some of the myriad allusions that I have made here. Good luck!