Monday, July 7, 2008

Moonlight Logic

So, funny story (as if you didn’t already suspect it to be so). I would like to tell you the tale of how I came to believe I was dying when I woke up at 1:30 this morning. First of all, I woke up because the light in the vanity area came on, and I am extremely sensitive to light at night. Upon seeing the clock and discovering that it was 1:30a.m., I decided that one of my roommates was up. Disclaimer: understand that I have a hyperactive imagination as it is, but the hyperactivity is amplified when the sun goes down. Back to my story: as I sat up in my bed, I realized that I was feeling feverish and nauseated (note the correct form of the word!). I wondered if whichever of my roommates who was awake was also feeling sick. It’s not every night that two of us get up at the same time. I thought I was food-poisoned, but there wasn’t anything that my roommates and I had eaten together. We couldn't all be randomly food-poisoned. Then, I gasped. There was only one clear explanation in the middle of the night: we were being poisoned…by carbon monoxide. I knew that we had a carbon monoxide detector, but I deduced (with my great genius and vast intellect) that it was not functioning. And, having never before been poisoned by the gas, I had only a good guess at the symptoms: anything that involved discomfort. Besides, the only thing that my roommates and I had ingested in common was our air. That must be it, I thought to myself. What to do now? I opened both windows in my bedroom and pressed my face to the screen (that must have been an interesting sight from outside). “Air…” I gasped as I inhaled the fresh summer oxygen. As the breeze blew into my room, I started to cool down and stopped feeling so feverish. I yawned. It was now 1:40. I had lost ten precious minutes of sleep. I settled back into my pillow and got comfy again. As I drifted off to sleep, I stopped worrying about dying of carbon monoxide poisoning. Instead, I thought, “Well, at least I will die comfortable.”

Clearly, I did not die comfortable. In fact, you might be shocked to find out that I did not die at all. Later today, I discovered that my roommates had simply been up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. It was a coincidence that we awoke at the same time. They weren’t afraid of dying of carbon monoxide poisoning. I was quite embarrassed, yet relieved that no one had witnessed my moonlight logic. The whole disaster was all in my head. I’m starting to wonder what else is all in my head. For instance, the bogeyman that lives under my bed might not be a bogeyman at all: he’s probably just some lost creature from the black lagoon. Yep, probably.

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